I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
