me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
