yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize