So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
