Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
