now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
