don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
