I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
