a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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