I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
