in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
