never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
