so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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