my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
