Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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