Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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