At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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