I am puke
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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