Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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