Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize