I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
