just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
