i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
