While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
