chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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