ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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