Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize