so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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