do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
