Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
