what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize