the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
