Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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