I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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