I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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