tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
