I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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