When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
