so explain again why im purple
no
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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