i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
