ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
