at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
