Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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