u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
