I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
