On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
