My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
