Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
