:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
