yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
