Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Success! We fucked roommates!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
