38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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