Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize