They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
