yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
