i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
