This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
