youre lurking in front of me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
