on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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