if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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