he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
