So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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