That's intense
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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