you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
