how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
