I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
