Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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